Break Up Advice
Breaking up can be an overwhelming experience for both the person doing the breaking up and the person being broken up with. If you find yourself in a situation in which you are being broken up with, it is important to know how to handle yourself to make the breaking up process as easy as possible.
First of all, know that the break up is not your fault. It is not anyone’s fault. Breaking up happens to many couples everyday. It is a common occurrence. Trying to point the finger of blame will only result in creating feelings of resentment in yourself or your former partner.
Allow the break up to occur, do not try and stop it. Many people use the common method of ‘the guilt trip’ to convince their partner to stay. This is no way of sustaining a relationship as it will ultimately lead to that person developing feelings of resentment towards you and will ruin any possibility of maintaining a friendship.
It is common for people to believe that something is wrong with them after someone leaves them. If you find you are thinking this, it is important to remind yourself that this is not the case. The break up has occurred because something was not right with the relationship itself, there is nothing wrong with you.
The feelings a person will experience after a break up will vary from person to person, depending on how an individual handles loss. Many people will feel numb and may deny the loss has even occurred. Eventually these people become angry and distressed, before becoming depressed. The level of depression may vary from slight, to the extreme case of having suicidal thoughts.
Some people will move straight to the angry phase, this is the phase in which self blame, or blame of the partner to occur. If you are experiencing these feelings during a break up, do not worry. You are completely normal. It is important to allow these feelings to surface, let yourself be mad, however make sure you do it in the right way in the right environment.
Cry on the shoulder of a friend or scream into your pillow. By all means do not take your anger out on your ex-partner or their new partner (if any). Even if they have done something to deserve this, in the end the degree of satisfaction you obtain from taking your anger rout on them will be short lived and will only result in you looking petty. Be the bigger person, allow your sadness and grief to come, feel your way through it and remember, there is a light at the end of every tunnel.